Feeling Tired but Struggling to Sleep? How Nutrition knowledge helped me: Part One - Stress

Sleep is so important for good mental, emotional and physical health - which is why I am writing a series of posts to help you find your way to a restful and healing night's sleep. This one focuses on why stress can disturb our nightly rejuvenation!

It can be so frustrating to feel tired but not be able to sleep. When my Dad was unwell and needed more attention and care from me, I would find myself being busy all day - making food for the whole family, taking Dad to appointments, spending quality time talking together (which I loved, but also made me feel tired as I was focused and giving mental energy to the conversation), running online Zoom meetings together (as this brought my Dad so much joy - for he wasn't able to visit people for a long time due to health challenges) and many other daily tasks that I felt honoured to be able to do - yet wiped me out every evening. I would drive Ramin and myself home, we'd switch on the TV for some downtime, and the cats would enjoy cuddles with us, then go to bed, thinking I was sure to get a good night's sleep as I was so tired. Yet, Ramin would be slumbering happing next to me and I would find myself sleeping for a short time and then waking up feeling wired and wide awake, unable to sleep for hours at a time. Sometimes I'd finally drop off to sleep at 5am and would need to wake again at 8am for the coming day's needs.

My dear Dad, Vivian, myself and Ramin

This went on for over a year - through my Dad's illness, through his passing into the next world and for months afterwards. It was only when I started my Nutrition training and started to implement what I was learning into my own daily routine that my sleep got better, my energy levels improved and my nervous system calmed down. Simple changes had a huge effect on my wellbeing - which is why I am always so excited to share these revelations with people! I know what it's like to be running on empty and have to drag yourself from one task to the next. Also fatigue and grief are not great company - as you can feel exhausted and hopeless, alone and yearning for the person you are grieving without being able to ever imagine feeling any differently. When energy levels return, the grief doesn’t leave - but there are ways to sit with it that can feel like love, rather than loss. I will write about this another time.

So what changes did you make Fleur, that helped you? What did you learn that you can share?

Stress – moving from ‘fight or flight’ to ‘rest and digest’

There are two branches of our autonomic nervous system which affect our stress levels, digestion and sleep - the sympathetic nervous system which puts us into 'fight or flight' mode and the parasympathetic nervous system which is the opposite and enables us to feel relaxed - to be able to 'rest and digest'. The way I remember these two arms is to think of 'speed' for sympathetic and 'peace' for parasympathetic. 

When we feel stress, our sympathetic nervous system (SNS) becomes dominant. If we are in physical danger, we need to be able to defend ourselves or escape quickly from the danger for our own safety and protection. SNS affects the body by prioritising energy supplies and reducing digestive function - as we are programmed to not eat and be stressed at the same time. So if we eat when we feel stressed, our bodies may feel discomfort (such as stomach cramps, bloating or acid reflux) as the optimal digestive environment to break down the food in our stomach may be limited. 

During the intense period of time I was caring for my dear Dad (while also experiencing hormonal fluctuations due to perimenopause as I am in my 50s) my stress levels were high during the day and would come down in the evening when watching something fun like 'Taskmaster' on Channel 4 (my most favourite TV programme of all time) or a Netflix movie. I thought I could sleep after that, but my emotions were still elevated (which is why I found the experience intense) as I spent all my waking time thinking about things I could do, food I could make, conversations with Doctors or Care workers I needed to have, honest conversations with my Dad and so on that could help alleviate his discomfort and bring him happiness. He became my 'specialist subject' so to speak, as my neurodiverse brain searched endlessly for solutions in a loving hyper-focus that actually was not good for my own health. I was actually fighting for his life or I was running away from the situation. I didn't even know I was doing this at the time. 

So when all the stimulation finally stopped, I had done all I could for everyone for that day, the lights were out and my body had stopped moving - I wasn't relaxed, calm and ready for sleep. I was wired, emotionally unsettled, desperate for change and dreading the next day. No wonder I would wake up and not be able to sleep. Also my eating was unbalanced (as I have always found food to be a great source of comfort and I used to snack in the evening) and my sleep schedule was all over the place. So no wonder my sleep was disturbed! 

So, how did my training help? Learning about SNS and PNS, I began to do things - in those small hours of the night - that would help my body shift from 'fight or flight' to 'rest and digest'. These are the things that worked for me:

·       I stopped tossing and turning in bed - as that wasn't helping. 

·       I got out of bed, put on a warm cardigan and went into the living room.

·       I made myself a snack containing tryptophan (see this post - to learn why this is helpful)

·       I drank a small glass of water

·       I stopped worrying about not being able to sleep and just enjoyed the quiet, with no one asking me questions, no tasks to do and no responsibilities.

·       I watched boring TV programmes that wouldn't wake me up (There's a Japanese news channel called NHK world that shows long, detailed, slow programmes about subjects like train journeys around Japan, how to dye cloth, the history of fermented foods and so on which became my go to. Nothing stimulating or emotionally intense)

·       I kept lights low - one lamp - so as not to have light wake me up.

·       Usually, one of my two cats would curl up on my lap and purr away - which brought great comfort. 

·       Sometimes I wrote whirling thoughts down on a notepad, to consider the next day

·       One time I had a warm bath in the middle of the night

·       I asked God to assist me

Xixi helping my heart rate relax

I basically took care of myself and gave loving kindness to myself during this time (about a year and a half) - which helped shift my mind and heart into 'rest and digest' - a form of self-care that I no longer need, but which was so vital at the time. I had no time for myself in the day (partly due to my brain not allowing me to stop) and so the middle of the night became my healing time. Pairing this healing time with learning how to eat balanced meals (curbing blood sugar spikes throughout the day) and an evening snack that contained the amino-acid tryptophan (I will go into these subjects in Part Two) enabled me to find my way back to sleep again. And there's more! Probably a Part Three.. watch this space!

If you think your sleep is disturbed due to stress - what could you do to show yourself loving kindness? What have you read about in this post which you think could help you? I would love to learn from you and to have more of a discussion about this subject. So please, do share!

Part Two will talk about how certain foods and drinks promote sleep and others create wakefulness - coming soon :)

All the love,

Fleur